i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
