I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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