I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
