I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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