i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
