I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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