We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
