Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drunk is not a location!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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