Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
