Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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