Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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