Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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