I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
