You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So squirting runs in the family.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
