Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
