Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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