cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
