I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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