I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
