We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
