she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
