Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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