I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I could fuck to npr.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
