i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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