Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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