is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
