I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
