We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
