Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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