Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
