We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
