I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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