Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
