Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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