You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
