So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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