Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
