sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
