My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
