So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
