I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
