Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
