I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
