your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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