paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the day after is always just damage control
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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