you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him