drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
