My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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