literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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