I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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