i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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