before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My life is pants optional.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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