im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
