My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
