wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
