My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
