Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
