yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
