Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Shame is for Republicans.
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