I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
