I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
