So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We just shotgunned beers for America
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
